Running a half-marathon.
As gyms across the country closed their doors in mid-March, an entire generation took to the streets. Hope for an effective shut-down framed personal equipment as superfluous, and easy access to pantries reinforced commitments to fitness. Heading out the front door at 4 pm, it felt as if the government had instituted glorified recess. Here was the perfect opportunity to challenge myself, propelled by a new community of walkers and runners.
At first, putting on running shoes was easy. Over the past three years, occasional visits to the university gym had left me with a comfortable three-mile range. Podcasts about entrepreneurship and happiness provided welcome relief from the numbing fatigue of watching the same streets pass by. Not only did running soothe overwhelming claustrophobia and restlessness, but the consequent rush of endorphins also left me hooked. By the end of May, I had signed up for a virtual marathon– a commitment to run 500k over the course of the summer. It was an ambitious challenge to work towards.
As weeks turned into months, however, I began to struggle with consistency– four runs a week dwindled to two runs on a good week. I would wake with a clear head and a rational distaste for any effort, then 2 pm would find an acute unwillingness to brave the potent mid-afternoon heat. Growing up as a dedicated dancer, I was no stranger to discipline and slow progress. Yet as the season changed and the fate of the pandemic only seemed increasingly dire, coronavirus burnout swept the country in waves. The virus is incomparable in spread, but it is the mental health implications that have been truly ubiquitous. Expectations of the future allow us to imagine goals and layout steps to achieve them; prolonged uncertainty made every effort feel inconsequential. Unable to find it in the world, I began to search for structure in my own life.
To improve my running, I had to comprehensively shift the way I approached each day. Planning is critical to achievement, but expectation paves the way for disillusionment. One bright summer day, I sat down and visualized how an ideal version of myself would spend a day. Rather than focusing on what I wanted to accomplish, I focused on who I wanted to be. Drawing inspiration from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, I integrated running into my morning habit loop and went to bed each night with an image of myself finishing a run. I only finished a third of the virtual marathon– truly, I would have to be obsessed to wake up every morning and decide to run 3-6 miles.
When I re-imagined myself as a runner, however, I was able to develop the strength and endurance to run a half-marathon in early September. In achieving productivity, self-control is a myth– rather, I found success through metacognition, an intentional environment, and the power of habits.
A snapshot of my running progress (in miles):